You are currently browsing the daily archive for May 16, 2011.
A few months ago I had my tubes tied. Due to my depression and anxiety issues Paul and I (with consultation from my doctors) decided that we were officially done having children. (Granted this would have been an easier procedure 4 years ago when I was having Sam, but recent issues have really solidified that I am DONE having kids.) I love my kids, they are great, and really, I don’t have to justify our decision to anyone.
Since getting my tubes tied. I have had issues. So next week I am going in for a uterine ablation and as an added bonus, I am getting my bladder tacked back into place. Two large children have done things to my bladder to make it not so happy. Here is a direct quote from an email I sent my cousins regarding the ablation and bladder surgery: “They put me under, shove a balloon all up in my lady junk, fill it with really hot water and let is fester in there for like 8 minutes while my uterine lining gets burned off. Also, because I am super classy and have lost control of my bladder since having kids, I am getting my bladder tacked back into place so that I can sneeze with out peeing myself.”
Sooooo, in order to prepare for the bladder surgery, the insurance company needs proof that I pee myself on a regular basis, so I went in today for “bladder testing.” I get into the room and see this:
This? Totally normal.
I was a little freaked out and the nurse came in to tell me how they were going to put a catheter in, take some measurements and try to recreate situations where I pee myself. All with two nurse practitioners in the room. Yeah, because that is not super awkward. So I got to test out the little camp toilet and while I was peeing it measured all kinds of stuff. Then I got to sit on the table with my feet in stirrups. I was supposed to pretend I was just sitting at my desk at work, working I guess, and every now and then I would have to cough or bear down and push while the nurse would look to see if I accidentally peed myself. Long story short, I peed myself, the insurance company will be happy and I survived one of the most AWKARD tests I have ever been through. At the end of the test, I had to get on that toilet thing again WITH THE CATHETER in and pee. Not only was the catheter in, but it was taped to my thigh. Talk about awkward. But I did watch my urine stream on the monitor. That was kind of cool.
Oh, and when you have a catheter, you don’t piss excellence afterward like Ricky Bobby. You piss fire for hours.
And that is how we keep things classy here in Alaska.
I got a phone call today from Paul. Paul and Uncle Dave were chaperones today for the kindergarten zoo field trip. They took Sam along for the field trip and the two of them were responsible for 6 little boys. Anyway, Paul called me to tell me that they had just witnessed a show at the brown bear pen. The brown bears have been a favorite of ours because sometimes they get all wiggly with each other and the boys find rutting bears HILARIOUS. Well today the bears were at it again and Paul called to tell me about it. Apparently, most of James’ kindergarten class watched the show today. After the two bears were done, the female bear rolled on to her back and “finished the job” (to quote my husband.) While she was doing this, one little boy shouted out, “He is scratching his BALLS!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” Of course all the little boys found this funny and Paul and Dave just whispered to each other, “those aren’t balls she is playing with.”
At dinner tonight James shared the brown bear experience with us. His teacher had told the kids that the brown bears were giving each other piggy back rides. He was confused as to why they weren’t really running around very fast, because he thinks you should run around fast while giving someone a piggy back ride. All the adults at the table had a nice little laugh at the bears’ expense. And this is why the brown bears at the Alaska Zoo never disappoint.
James has been super helpful lately. I suspect he is proving his independence as a six-year-old, but sometimes he doesn’t realize that he is not actually helping the situation, but rather making it more and more difficult for his parents to fix. However, we are slowing learning more and more patience, as James is learning to stretch his wings and help out more.
And destroy more.
Yesterday, the guys all went to Costco to load up on groceries and the when they came home, James raced out of the car and ran around to the trunk to open it. (We have a Tahoe, and he has learned how to open the trunk by watching us over and over again.) What James didn’t account for was the shift in groceries during the course of the car ride. As he opened the back of the car, items started falling out and an apple pie that Paul and Dave got to celebrate our first backyard bbq of the season fell out flat on the concrete. Paul felt rage and frustration well up inside of him but before he could do or say anything, Sam looked at the mess and said, “Well, nobody is perfect!”
James felt terrible, Paul calmed down and started to pick up the mess and Sam just stood there handing out more words of wisdom. Sometimes that kid is pretty smart for a 4 year old.
